we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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