Cold hands, warm shart.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize