it hurts more in the daytime
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
