guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
