Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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