the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
