Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
