The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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