too bad you live with your parents still
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
