My first STD was from a foam party
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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