if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
