Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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