I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
