I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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