I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
