I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
