you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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