I am in a vortex of obligation.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
