We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
