this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
