You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
