I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Still dying that you shit outside
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
