We named our party play list daddy issues
I looked at my own cervix.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
