I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
