Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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