If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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