he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
