Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
