Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
