i just had sex bonerless
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
