remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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