Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
