someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
