Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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