my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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