You made me cry and you don't even care
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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