have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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