this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
