Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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