I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
