She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
