PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
