if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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