Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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