Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Damn victory sex feels great
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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