I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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