drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
