Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
