so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
