I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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