he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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