watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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