Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
