I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize