A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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