Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
