Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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