remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
