dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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