You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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