At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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