matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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