her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
