If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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