she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
