O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
