did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
