i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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