That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
