So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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