im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
