my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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