cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
