We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
