My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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