I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
