"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
