Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
