dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am spending my child support on dildos
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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