i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize