how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
