it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
