i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My bed smells like the plague
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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