Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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