ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
