Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
