note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
