she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
