Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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