farters have to be the big spoon...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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