this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
