I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
