I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
