You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have demons in me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
