I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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