I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
