My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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