Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
