I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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