Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
