May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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