Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
