You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
