I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
