u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
