Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
