I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
