It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am one with the molecules
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
