Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
