dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
