god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
